Family

There is a practical question I have been wrestling with, a question that has become philosophical. It is, what is the purpose of family? Maybe you can help me answer. 


In the dictionary, a family is comprised of people connected by blood or marriage. This means that "family" is based on voluntary and involuntary associations. Choices you control and some you don't. However, the second definition of family is one I like more, because it speaks to voluntary association. This one says that your family member is someone who you treat with special loyalty or intimacy. And thus brings my problem and my solution to the family question. 


All of my family members are related by blood or marriage. But lately it is becoming more clear that they are not my "family". They do not treat me with any special loyalty or intimacy. They do not appear to care for me any more than the average person, any more than the acquaintance, the coworker, ect. Our relationships are casual, informal, and flimsy. Place any pressure and they will break, suggesting there was no real bond in the first place. I only see them at holidays, if that. When I do see them, our conversations are shallow. Our commitments are weak and fleeting. And during my most important moments, they are usually not there. If they have important moments, they don't share them with me. 


So what then, is their purpose? Why call them family at all? Maybe they are not my family. Maybe I have no family at all, since I don't have a bond of special loyalty or intimacy with  nearly any of my relatives by blood or marriage.... Maybe when I realize that the tie of blood is a fake one, I can continue to make real ties with people worthy of the effort, and build my family out of friends, who delight in my company, share in my success, and are committed to growing, loving and working together. 

Who Were You?

Who were you before you let fear set in?


What were your dreams before you knew they were dreams? What were your highest hopes? 


Who were you before the world repackaged you?


I am remembering who I was, and it is radically difficult than who I am now....